I suffer from a rather common affliction of being my own harshest critic. I'm also very impatient. Neither of these are my friend now that I'm trying to get healthier and lose weight. I've lost weight before - which makes me a rather typical female. Once I even lost about 17kg and was well on my way to a far healthier lifestyle. Unfortunately a Christmas binge-fest that lasted for about 2 weeks did irreparable damage and the kilos piled back on. Two children and 6 years on and my body really needs some serious TLC. But all I see are faults. And let's be honest - fat. I see lots of fat. That serves to drain the motivation and coupled with the impatience to see results NOW, it does hinder me in really getting on track. Despite this, I think I may be getting somewhere.
I'm slowly trying to change my mindset. For possibly the first time since school I am attempting to exercise for at least the recommended 30 minutes per day - although have been having one rest day per week. I am trying to fake some positivity until I make it and am telling myself that I'm doing well.
It's an emotional process and I'm definitely an emotional eater. I allowed myself to fall off the exercise wagon a couple of weeks ago and I found myself sinking into despair and self-criticism. It's a tough practice to unlearn.
I've read many people talk of wanting to be able to run around and play with their children as being a motivator for losing weight. Yet I've never found myself really struggling to do that. Since having my daughter I do feel more conscious of providing a healthy role model for her. Not to be constantly worrying about my weight but to be leading a healthy and active life - to show her that it is normal to exercise most days and to eat well but also okay to have some foods in moderation. But to be honest one of the biggest motivators for this superficial blogger is the desire to walk into any shop and know that I will be able to try something on. For more years than I care to admit I have been returning time after time to the same shops for clothes just because I know I will be able to find something that fits. I want my own style but when you shop at only a handful of shops it's very limiting. There was a time when I was a goth. Purple hair, white face, black eyes and lips. Long velvet skirts with rips held together with safety pins. Then there was the skate-punk phase - cut off army pants over fishnet stockings, band t-shirts and lots of eyeliner. Then it slowly became a corporate look (what a sell out!!) but at least for a while it was my style. Now I wear simply whatever will fit and I'm not happy. The time has come for me to reclaim some style. I have no idea what it will be but I'm excited to find out.